Outercourse presents a significant advantage by allowing people to engage in sexual activities even when penetration is not possible or desired. Up to 28 percent of those with vulvas experience dyspareunia, or pain during intercourse, at some point in their lives. Additionally, many find that intercourse alone may not be pleasurable or lead to orgasm. Over 36 percent of women report needing clitoral contact for orgasm, and an additional 36 percent feel their orgasms are enhanced with clitoral stimulation. This highlights the importance of outercourse in bridging the orgasm gap and making sex more enjoyable for everyone.
Even in sexual dynamics involving different genders, outercourse benefits both parties. It takes the pressure off those with penises and allows for a more relaxed and enjoyable sexual environment. It can reduce anxiety-related issues such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and build emotional closeness by focusing on touch and taking time with each other's bodies.
If you're interested in focusing more on non-penetrative sex, here are some options. Start by communicating with your partner outside of a sexual setting. Use a compliment and be clear about your desire to spend more time on outercourse activities like sensual massage.
Sensual massage offers a unique experience by teasing and creating anticipation. Using different massage oils and lotions can enhance the sensations. It's also okay to have one person focus at a time, as long as both feel pleasured and fulfilled.
Mutual masturbation can be a thrilling experience. Watching each other masturbate helps couples learn about each other's pleasure preferences and builds intimacy. There are various ways to try this together, such as lying next to each other or providing assistance.
Oral sex, including cunnilingus, fellatio, and analingus, is a part of outercourse. Trying to go down on each other simultaneously or in different positions can be fun. However, it's important to remember that not everyone will orgasm in these positions, so don't put pressure on yourself.
Dry humping is another enjoyable activity. For those with vulvas, it replicates the original masturbation technique and provides the necessary pressure on the clitoris. It can be done with or without clothing, but choosing the right material like satin or cotton enhances the sensations.
Sensory play with a blindfold and experimenting with different temperatures using sex toys like a stainless steel dildo can open up new avenues of pleasure. Sex toys offer endless possibilities, from using them on erogenous zones to trying light kink like gentle spanking. It's about exploring together and discovering what brings pleasure.
Ultimately, outercourse allows us to redefine the entire sexual experience. It's not just about leading up to one activity but about embarking on an adventure together to bring us closer and experience more pleasure.
Meet the Experts: Rachel Needle, PsyD, is a sex therapist and licensed psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida. Gigi Engle is a COSRT-certified sex therapist and author of All the f*cking mistakes. Lori Buckley, PhD, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist based in Pasadena.Lydia Wang is the love & life editor at Women’s Health, where she writes and edits stories about all things sex, relationships, queerness, and sex tech. Her debut romance novel, Here For The Wrong Reasons, was published this year.
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